The Brogger: CONFUSION CAN MESS YOUR LIFE

The Brogger: CONFUSION CAN MESS YOUR LIFE: "Good morning Doctor,” says Steve, “I want to be castrated.” “What on earth for?” asks the doctor in amazement. “It’s something I’ve been..."

The Brogger: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN

The Brogger: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN: "One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife d..."

IT WAS THERE. YOU SHOULD HAVE!

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn’t know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel.
He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he’s going with his donkey.
“Anywhere I go, she goes.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you can’t take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we’ll take good care of her.” So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn’t want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor.
The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
”Great!” replied Bozo. ”How much do I have to pay?” he asks.
”One thousand dollars for the food.”
”But I haven’t touched the food.”
”It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV.”
”But I didn’t even know how to turn the damn thing on!”
”It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed.”
”But I slept on the floor!”
”It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars.”
The old man thought for a while and answered;-
”You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.”
”But sir ,I didn’t screw your donkey.”
”It was there. You should have!”

CONFUSION CAN MESS YOUR LIFE

Good morning Doctor,” says Steve, “I want to be castrated.”
“What on earth for?” asks the doctor in amazement.
“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done” replies Steve.
“But have you thought it through properly?” asks the doctor, “It’s a very serious operation and once it’s done, there’s no going back. It will change your life forever!”
“I’m aware of that and you’re not going to change my mind– either you book me in to be castrated or I’ll simply go to another doctor.”
“Well, OK.”, says the doctor, “But it’s against my better judgment!”
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand.
Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
“Hi there,” says Steve, “It looks as if you’ve just had the same operation as me.”.
“Well,” said the patient, “I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised.”
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, “Sh*t! THAT’S the word!”

SAUSAGE

Two career drunks were extremely thirsty one Saturday night and decided to go to the store to get some cheap booze. In the store, the first drunk says, “All right, I have 87 cents; how much do you have?” His friend replies, “I have a dollar. What can we get for $1.87?” The first spots a big Italian sausage on the rack for only $1.80 and has a great idea. “Hey, here’s what we can do” he says. “We’ll buy that sausage there and put it in my pants. We’ll go into a bar and order drinks. After the drinks are gone, I’ll pull out the sausage and you start sucking on it. They’ll kick us out of the bar and we won’t have to pay!”
The second drunk agrees and they head off to the bar. They walk in and order two beers and drink them down. When the beer is gone, the first drunk whips the sausage out and the second starts sucking on it. “What the hell are you doing? Get out of my bar!” says the bartender, and the two run out laughing. “That was great, and it didn’t cost us a cent” says the second drunk. “Let’s do it again!”
So off they run to another bar for a repeat performance. This continues through the night. At the end of the night, after about the 20th bar, the second drunk says “Man what a great night. All this drinking is making me hungry. Hey, pull out that sausage and let’s eat it.”
“Sausage?” says the first. “I ate the sausage about eight bars ago!”

HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, “Oh, you look about 29″.
“I am actually 47.”
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, “I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age.”
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, “Okay, it’s done. You are 47.”
Stunned, the man says, “That was brilliant. How did you do that?”
The old lady replies, “I was behind you at McDonalds.”

NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’ ‘Reading a book,’ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)
‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.
‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading’.
‘Yes, but you have all the equipment . For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and report you”.
‘For reading a book?’ she replies,
‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her again.
‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading’.
‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and report you.’
‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,’ says the woman.
‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the game warden.
‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.’
‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.